Black Lies Matter Ch.7 “Fathers,Dads,Baby daddy’s and Sperm donors”

Everyone has a male figure that is associated with or related to them (birth,rearing etc) that goes by one of these names ( Fathers,Dad, Baby Daddy or Sperm Donor)

The “Community “ is filled with men the hold one or more of these titles and there is a chance that if you are from the “Community “ you use one of them.

There is a community within the “Community “ that observe the male species however they do not recognize him or them (what is their role/purpose?)

There is actually an reason for the male in the family.

A purpose and significance beyond the collaboration and cooperative episode often referred to as “Conception “

And even this activity is sometimes referred to as one sided as many women are choosing to use a baby service known as fertility clinics.

This center will provide her the privilege of being a mother without the relationship ties.

Without having the role of wife,girlfriend or fiancé.

Most women however have their children the old fashioned way.

There are other scenarios that may exist that will create what may appear as a cut & paste family.

Non traditional family unit:

Parent dies,parents incarcerated or parent is addicted to drugs where grandmothers, Aunt or godparents may become parents by proxy however as stated earlier most children get here the old fashioned way.

In many areas of the United States we find what has been defined as “Unexpected Pregnancy “ and though most people hear and accept this as an occurrence it is clearly misunderstood.

Unexpected Or Unplanned Pregnancy:

Can this even be possible?

There are a lot of people that have unbelievable responses to this occurrence.

How does this happen? What are the results of having intercourse (Having Sex?)

But most of us understand the concept very well.

There may be a few instances whereby a young lady doesn’t know,however this is not the best response to “ Unexpected “ or “Unplanned “ pregnancy.

Guys know

Gals know.

Boys know.

Girls know.

How to Not Get Pregnant

Sexual intercourse with the intention of avoiding a resulting pregnancy requires planning. With family planning skills and contraceptives available to sexually active people today, pregnancy does not need to happen if you are careful and attentive. You can avoid pregnancy by abstaining from intercourse, using contraceptives if you are sexual active, or talking to your health care provider about hormonal or surgical forms of birth control. wikihow.com

I chose to use “How Not To” because apparently many (Don’t Wanna Be) parents are choosing to do the opposite.

I don’t say this to offend anyone or to be judgmental but someone has to accept the responsibility and we do that by exposing the myths (Lies)

This will give us a clear diagnosis to the “Lies” as well as the truth that the “ Community “ needs.

Let me also say, there are 2 people that have the responsibility when it comes to childbirth.

Which brings me back to our title.

Nope, not yet …I have a few more things to say about “Conception “

Special Note:

When I address conception I am focusing mainly on the boy meets girl scenario.

Sometimes children are conceived in other complicated and sometimes criminal situations and although each one has an affect on the community the child or children are affected in other ways.

I will do my best to address them,

When it comes to the subject of criminal sexual behavior I will avoid a one size fits all approach.

And I avoid the subject of consent .

I will also avoid the subject of initiations (As in gangs or as part of some fraternities or Sororities)

These particular group will be excluded.

The reason behind my desire to offer so much of what may not appear to be relevant information is because as a boy growing up in the “Community “ and the child of a single mom, I’ve recognized a pattern also as a youth service worker and now business owner we all hear the same stories and we have some answers.

This is the reason behind the back story and conception scenario.

We must observe the soil,the root and the water supply to understand the function of the tree. -Arnold mrdadtate-

If we ignore the clear pattern and significant data that exist in the “Community “ we will not be able to effectively serve them.

Who is “Them”

Them refers to the Mothers,Grandmothers and some Aunts that have become the parents in the community in the absence of the male.

So why have we expelled,excused and exposed the Male?

There are some families that haven’t seen or seen the need of Males as it relates to the family or child rearing.

There are some families where mothers as well as grandparents encourage erasing,eliminating or minimizing the role of fathers because they haven’t seen them (The Fathers) and therefore do not understand their significance.

What is the Male and other a donor:

Fathers:

father – Wiktionary

Wiktionary › wiki › father

A male ancestor more remote than a parent; a progenitor; especially, a first ancestor. A term of respectful address for an elderly man. Come, father; you can sit here. A term of respectful address for a priest. A person who plays the role of a father in some way.

A father is the male parent of a child. Besides the paternal bonds of a father to his children, the father may have a parental, legal, and social relationship with the child that carries with it certain rights and obligations. Wikipedia.org

Good Stuff:

The title of father and Dad are interchangeable and used to describe the male parent, so as we share speak about the roles of the father we may also used the title of Dad.

The father is the male parent and partner in the birth of a child.

The father may also be a title given to a male that has or is part of the rearing of children.

There are many cases where a father may be given the title “Dad” or we use it as part of titles such as stepdad.

Baby daddy:

This is a “community” (inner-city) manufactured term used to describe the man that is the male parent of an unwed mother’s

It may also be used to describe a suitor or individual that a woman would like to mate with in order to have a child.

These types of relationships have devastated the community,because in many cases the baby daddy has the ability to be call a daddy without any of the responsibilities of co-parenting (financial and childcare)

It also gives the man an awkward sense of liability and belief that he does not have any responsibility to the Mom or the child and may create as many of these relationships as he may desire.

This paradigm has single handedly devastated the community and at the same time create a peculiar group that like their male parent has no rules or regulations and in most cases no family connections.

This is a scary place:

Baby daddy’s haven’t even a set of boundaries,is this your sister or your brother that you are dating or having intercourse with.

Did you marry your cousin,without a connective responsibility or community accountability “How Can We Know?”

Sperm Donor:

I am not sure who gets credit for this term

The idea of declassifying and disqualifying the male and relegating his to the place as a science project or lab experiment is something that I have never been okay with.

I must admit that most of the times that I hear the term it comes from a woman and she has found a new man, father or husband (replacement)

I must also admit that I have not heard the term outside of the community.

Another sad thing that I must admit is that in my work with youth, some of these mothers have used this term and their daughters have used this word to describe their birth father.

We have a serious family disconnect in the community and because we self educate and analyze our issues we fail to fix our own relationship problems.

We say and repeat words that are created (slang) to define our lack of education and understanding of ourselves.

This phrase “Sperm Donor” is as I shared earlier a way to erase the Dad or father that is no longer desired or may have betrayed the mother.

Cheaters are often the one that lose their rank as fathers to become “sperm donors” there is a lot of pain that takes place when someone is cheated on.

Some mothers cannot resist a chance to find as many friends or family members to agree with and “X” the cheater out of her life.

This type of betrayal has a devastating effect on the children.

Many women say very negative things about men and males using profanity without any consideration of the son or daughter.

The children want to be a representative of what Mom wants, needs or is pleased with, this is a disturbing pattern and in many ways retire or Hotwire the person that they will become. -Arnoldmrdadtate-

In some cases she chooses to keep the children away from their fathers.

This may include having conversations that make it difficult for the child/children to know what exactly is going on.

“He doesn’t love you”…”He has a new family now”

This may also provide Mom with relationships and the ability to move on.

We can only imagine what happens to our children boys and girls are damaged when parents don’t put them first.

As a man,father and grandfather I have many experiences as it relates to family and any chance that I get,I want to share them.

When I first began my “Black Lies Matter “ Blog I realized that it was very lopsided (most families had no Dad), I realized that I needed to address the role of the male as well as his responsibilities to not only his family but all families.

I worked very hard not to be a “victim blaming” guy.

My history is shared in my Blog “ Aliens Among Us” because I felt that it was time.

The subject of lies and misunderstandings will languish as long as we continue an “Us Against Them” (Black Vs Black) position as well as “The White man Is At Fault” for all of our problems.

Final Thoughts:

This blog took what seemed like forever to write, it was difficult but I wanted it to be right or at least honest .

-The Beginning-

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