5 Things “First Date Advice “

Dating has gone through a major makeover or should I say something like “ What Tha Hell?”

With the internet version and the traditional boy meets girl scenario, there are a few No-no’s that I would like to share.

( Please If You Will Checkout My Brothers Blog) questioneverything39.wordpress.com “ Dating in the Evolution And revolution of online dating pt.1

It will offer addition support in the ever changing world of dating.

I however have (5) things that could give you a “Leg Up” in your first date experience.

I first of all want to address what I refer to as “The Cinderella Theory of Things”

What we:

Think

Fell

Fear

Say

Expect

Believe

Assume

-We are not who or what we appear to be-

Cinderella wasn’t …

This is on both sides and there are various degrees of understanding and misunderstandings about how we all enter this “Realm” (Dating)

While watching television the other day I saw an interesting dating commercial.

This man after being asked what he was looking for in a woman,listed what I hadn’t heard before as an expectation or quality in a relationship.

He listed “ Trusting “ as one of the things that he was looking for in a woman.

Now, that was a first for me.

And it is. For me probably the best.

Why, You say?

Because trust is the number one thing that affects any relationship.

A relationship is a partnership and a covenant.

We place our confidence in an individual or a group that has our trust. And we do not want at anytime to ever doubt their allegiance or protection of that trust.

So it is, when I heard the word “Trusting “ I immediately felt that this individual was “Trustworthy”

The Cinderella Theory of things is based on the fairy tale.

This is the oldest information that I found of this tale.

Cinderella (Italian: Cenerentola, French: Cendrillon, German: Aschenputtel), or The Little Glass Slipper, is a folk tale embodying a myth-element of unjust oppression and triumphant reward. Thousands of variants are known throughout the world.[1][2] The title character is a young woman living in unfortunate circumstances, that are suddenly changed to remarkable fortune. The story of Rhodopis, recounted by the Greek geographer Strabo in around 7 BC, about a Greek slave girl who marries the king of Egypt, is usually considered as the earliest known variant of the “Cinderella” story.[1][2][3] The first literary European version of the story was published in Italy by Giambattista Basile in his Pentamerone in 1634; the most popular version was published by Charles Perrault in Histoires ou contes du temps passé in 1697,[4] and later by the Brothers Grimm in their folk tale collection Grimms’ Fairy Tales in 1812.

Name

Cinderella

Also known as

Italian: Cenerentola,

French: Cendrillon,

Polish: Kopciuszek,

German: Aschenputtel,

Russian: Zolushka,

Dutch: Assepoester,

Spanish: Cenicienta.

Data

Aarne-Thompson grouping

ATU 510 A (Persecuted Heroine)

Region

Eurasia

Although the story’s title and main character’s name change in different languages, in English-language folklore “Cinderella” is the archetypal name. The word “Cinderella” has, by analogy, come to mean one whose attributes were unrecognized, or one who unexpectedly achieves recognition or success after a period of obscurity and neglect. The still-popular story of “Cinderella” continues to influence popular culture internationally, lending plot elements, allusions, and tropes to a wide variety of media. The Aarne-Thompson-Uther system classifies Cinderella as Tale Type 510A, Persecuted Heroine.[5]:24-26

wikipedia.org

I am drawing my “Theory “ from the Disney tale

as most would.

Because it will lend to our blog as we have a strong message to share.

It is a fact that I always look forward to sharing my life filled experiences.

It is also a fact that for so many years I had no idea that I even knew that I could write or that anyone would want to read the things that were in my mind.

But Cinderella?

Cinderella being a stepdaughter that treated very poorly and because of a miraculous (fairytale) event her life was morph into a world wind of love.

So that She and her Prince live “Happily Ever After”

The Cinderella Theory Of Things is based of a fact that “No one is as they appear “ and that even without a fairy godmother any of us can or will morph into whomever we desire.

However without further ado, here is our 5…

Number One: is Avoid oversharing.

A first date is an interview,every is on their best behavior and there are is a number of things that are shared that may be “Too much or too soon”

Some of the things that may be viewed as “Oversharing” are:

Previous suitors (Ex’s) these conversations are a no-no because depending on how long it’s been since your last relationship, you or your date may have a “Type” (this could be any number of things)

Types: revealing similarities in the people we date.

From heights to skin tone or even hairstyle and muscular build.

And he may be him or she may be her.And they may mask themselves base on what we say that we dislike.

And for this reason “Oversharing” is a No-No.

Number two: is No Sex (No Means No)

When it comes to sexual intimacy,sex or f@cking there are boundaries that “Cloud” the perception of both genders and once you enter this world (Sex) someone is going to lose.

The problem with having intercourse on the first date is it cloud everyone’s idea about the direction that they want to go. There is a exception to this rule and it is if both individuals are seeking a one night stand… in that case it isn’t a date and I will only say “ Maybe I’ll address this point of view in a future Blog”

When I say “Cloud” or “Clouds” what I want to make clear is that first date have a way of having some expectations and though everyone wants a happy ending there has to be a clear idea of what a “Happy Ending “ is.

And when sex is involved it tends to create an unwillingness to pursue each other or understanding where we may be going.

Sex is a No-No (Don’t Talk About It)

Number Three: If There Are Children Say So

This is a crucial part of a good beginning and it is also what is perceived as a game changer in some relationships.

For both men and for women.

Ladies sometimes have difficulty sharing the fact that they have children and in some cases how many fathers are involved and maybe there not

INVOLVED…

To this I say, anytime that you do not mention that you have children when you have interest in an individual It may be perceived as being dishonest or that there is more to your story, like. ( You’re Still Involved With The Child’s Father )

If you believe this is the one or you believe that he might be. Let him know ( It rarely matters)

But not sharing may come at considerable risk.

Men likewise, you have a responsibility to divulge this information.

To many time women find out that you have children and in some cases by several women.

There is a need for honesty at the dating and (first date) level and it will help to start things off on the right track.

Not talking about children is a No-No

Number Four: Having A Job

Being employed is a very part of the responsibility part of the first date.

For both parties I mean after all (Who’s Going To Pay For This Meal)

Part of any cooperative it is a good idea to have a stable job or a career.

Whether it is “What Do you,do?” or “Where Do You Work?” this is important.

Guys, you should be asking as well.

We should know where we are going or if we are going and it is a good idea to make sure no one is doing it alone.

Also it is part of the business aspect of relationships.

Not having a job or career is a No-No

Number Five: Do You Have Your Own Place?

This one right here is sooo, necessary to ask and it is in many cases asked weeks after the first date.

It is also important that it is asked by the men as well as the ladies.

Ladies if he lives with his mother that is a deal breaker.(In Most Cases)

And depending on how old he is, it may be time to (Ask For The Check)

When a man lives with his mom, even if he has a job,there is cause for concern, however there are some exceptions to this rule.

Divorce with child support.

His “Mom” is his baby mom.(Don’t do it)

School dept.

Legitimately helping Mom after she’s gone through a rough patch.

There may be any number of reasons (excuses) but make a decision that you are willing to live with or “Run For Your Life”

In the case where a woman is still at home with Mom or living with parents this may be a red flag.

Baby daddy issues (hanging around)

School debt.

Live in babysitting (parents)

There are also many concerns that come with a woman or man that is still at home with parent or parents.

The main one is the they somehow are unable to comprehend what it’s like living with anyone else (They Make Terrible Roommates)

Not knowing where your first date lives is a No-No

Sometimes I get started writing these blogs and my mind want to add 6,7,or 8 and I realize that I have to stop.

I am not your traditional Blogger.

I write from my thoughts and never write anything down.

All of my work is done from my iPhone and I only do occasional google searches because a friend told that if I don’t,

People will get the idea that I’m a “KNOW IT ALL” Arnoldmrdadtate

Black Lies Matter PT.10 “Acrimony”

As I write this piece I believe that it is fair to say that I am a fan of Tyler Perry the man, and I am also inspired by his motivational nuggets and life story.

I , if I am honest will also say that I always felt that his work was designed and directed towards Girls,Ladies and Womankind.

As a married man my wife and I occasionally would go to the movies as part of our date night and there were times that she would ask me to go with her to the latest Tyler release and I always respectfully decline

You see I had this idea about what his (Tyler Perry) movies would entail. that was until the movie Alex Cross,my wife is a big fan of the author of the Alex Cross novels James Patterson.

This was the perfect opportunity to give Mr. Perry another try.

I like murder mysteries.

It wouldn’t be religious.

And even though it was a Tyler Perry , it was based on a James Patterson novel.

This was the sell and as we saw this movie I had a chance to admire a great story and actually liked the performance of Mr. Perry.

I even told my wife that based on the collection of Patterson books that she had collected this genre could continue for years to come.

Well, it hasn’t happened yet. I also understand that as I began to embrace and like Mr. Perry’s art there are a lot of people that are not exactly accepting his deviation for the religious and Madea based movies that made him a household name.

As he began to explore and evolve many will come and some will go.

My wife has never missed anything that has Mr. Perry’s name on it and whenever there was a new release she has a dear friend (Neen) a nickname given for actual name Sharleen.

They’d go together and when my wife arrived back home she would attempt to tell me why and what I would have liked about the movie. I would of course explain the consistent theme of the movies.

Effeminate men playing men and husbands and a lot of strong women that are are smarter and more manly than the men.

Woman’s world script.

Religious practices that are confusing “Playing Church”

Minimized male and maximize woman.

There will be those that will say that my statement effeminate is gay bashing.

Not true.

We must take a little time to read and read only what is written because when we do this we will find understanding. Arnoldmrdadtate

My point is this .

The men appear to be very full of feelings and emotions.

The men are always looking like they need a hug or a tissue.

The men are not or do not appear to have any strength.

Now there will be women that will think that I am attacking women.

I will not entertain this .

We need merely to transpose the criticisms that I had for the males in these movies and realize that the woman is covered.

And this is a good thing because in the world we live in our women are having a tough time.

In one of my earlier Blogs “Hell hath no fury like a Black Woman scorned” I took the time to look at the effects of Black movies and television series on Black girls and women.

And that brings me to the movie “Acrimony “

This movie caught me by surprise.

Taraji P. Henson played her part in seldom seen role of a woman that had a family situation that is similar to what we have seen.

Sisters or Sustas biological or any number of ways that we connect in our community.

No spoiler alert:

I don’t want to share ,overshare or attempt to come to someone else’s conclusion.

I will however say this Tyler Perry is a genius and he addressed a seldom seen or if it is seen it may never be repeated cautionary tale of

Trust

Patients

Timing

Mental illness

Hope/Hopelessness

-I mentioned earlier that I did not want to giveaway the plot nor did I want to tell anyone how they should interpret this movie.-

You see it was my idea to go see this movie on date night.

Yes, this shocked me too…

The previews for this movie were deceptive.

Yes, and that is part of the reason I asked my wife instead of her asking me.

As we entered the theater on a Tuesday at 2:pm I was shocked to see that the place was packed.

Not because of the movie but because of the time.

I mean, “Don’t you people have jobs?”

Yes I said that, out loud.

As we headed to the concessions my mouth began to water for some ppopcorn and this place has an amazing hotdog.

This particular theater has 5 dollar movies on Tuesdays and another thing that I like is the diverse crowd.

I’m just gon’ say it.

Tyler Perry movies are great and have a way of creating audience participation and when we get together in a group sometimes, not all the time but, sometimes portions of the movie be missed because

We talk to the screen,we talk to each other and we (we won’t admit it) talk to ourselves.

So the idea of having a diverse crowd is a win.

We got to our seats and I started right in on my popcorn (is it just me?)

Somehow having the popcorn first makes the hot dogs taste better.

It was dark in the theater and the previews had just begun.

I have to be honest. When said earlier ( about the crowd being diverse) it was based on my own knowledge of my community.

You see as the movie began there was a group of people behind us in the upper right corner in the rear.

Believe me when I say.

“THEY WERE FROM THE COMMUNITY “

How did I know?

There are common themes that exist in our community and it relates to the Black man .

There is a expected and critical minimum expectation that when it is reached will garner a certain response.

There is a certain way the Black Women speak to and about the Black man.

This group (the ladies in the rear) hung on every, and they yelled uncontrollably.

They laughed and spoke among themselves.

I am ashamed of the fact that this group fit the stereotype.

Why is it that we (Africa’s Children) have a type of entertainment that lowers the bar, lowers our expectations.

We have a type of art that we imitate instead of the other way around.

But this was all at the beginning of the movie.

Only the beginning.

It was at this point that I asked myself “What was Tyler Perry going to do about the “ Cooky Lions” imageries “

You didn’t know this but.

I stopped watching the television series “Empire “ after the first season,it became predictable and seemed as if it was allowing the audience to write the script.

My wife has continued to watch it and occasionally I see Taraji do her stereotypical “Girl-rilla “ (angry black woman) performances

Or maybe I’ll read about it on social media.

“Cooky, Snapped “…

I believe that Mr. Perry did a good job separating his character from the “Empire “ character.

I will also say that many of the quiet moments in the film is the result of My Perry’s evolution as an artist,writer producer and director.

One more thing I had the occasion to see some ladies bashing the movie and that is an example of how much work that must be done as well as what happens when an artist get a reputation for certain kinds of art.

As for me I am a fan of this particular work and look forward to more as Mr.Perry continues to build his portfolio.

No spoiler alert

Acrimony is a good movie for the times that we are living and what was most beautiful about it is racially and gender neutral.

Congratulations Mr.Perry on a job well done.

Q &A “Dating”

Edu-Tate-Shun…

This is an actual question:

Hey so I have a question why will you have a hard time finding the one if you’ve been dating alot?

This was my response:

The thing about dating a lot is that it knocks your radar off.

For example if you like or are liking someone you become at ease or comfortable and as a result fail to clearly see who they really are.

it may also blind you to Mr. Right because you are semi-committed to the guy/guys that you are dating…

Black Lies Matter PT.9 “Blue Klux Klan” 1

While enjoying a deep conversation with a man that I have a lot of respect for our chat took a turn.

Not because we were going into different directions but quite the opposite.

We were dealing with one of the toughest subjects of the 21st century for the children of Africa, Misidentified as former slaves.

When I say former slaves, what is the first things that come to mind also what would I or we be dealing with that is unique or different from what anyone else is dealing with in America?

Or what are Black People whining about now?

This is a conclusion that many people jump when a Person Of African decent proclaims or complains about the the blind justice of greatest country in the world.

And who do you think that you are ( Black Person) Negro,Jigaboo,Coon or Nig…

As I am writing this blog, the city of Chicago is in the midst of a scandal about a young Black man and a grandmother that were gunned down by a White police officer.

This is not an isolated story but has become what has been referred to as “The New Normal”

Screengrab/CBS

CHICAGO — Bettie Jones, known in her Chicago neighborhood for her work with anti-violence community groups, was killed by police officers responding to a domestic disturbance just hours after she hosted family on Christmas Day.

The fatal shooting of Jones, 55, and 19-year-old Quintonio LeGrier, a college student visiting his father for the holiday, at a West Side home has raised further questions about a police department already under intense scrutiny. Grieving relatives and friends of the pair gathered Sunday to remember them and criticize city officials who they said had once again failed residents.

The shooting happened early Saturday morning at the small two-story home, where Jones lived in a ground-floor apartment and LeGrier’s father in an upstairs unit. The police, who were responding to a 911 call made by LeGrier’s father after an argument with his son, have released few details beyond a brief statement.

It said officers “were confronted by a combative subject resulting in the discharging of the officer’s weapon” and added that Jones “was accidentally struck.”

Both Jones and LeGrief were black, and their deaths come amid scrutiny of the police after a series of deaths of African-Americans at the hands of officers across the country gave rise to the Black Lives Matter movement.

http://www.businessinsider.com

What we will also talk about is the fact that those shots were taken from 20 feet away (Fact)

There’s more:

It also comes amid a federal civil-rights investigation into the Chicago Police Department was launched after last month’s release of police dashcam video showing a white officer, Jason Van Dyke, shooting a black 17-year-old, Laquan McDonald, 16 times in 2014.

The police did not disclose the race of the officer or officers, saying only that those involved would be placed on administrative duties.

LeGrier’s mother, Janet Cooksey, during a vigil Sunday placed candles on the porch of the home. On either side of the door, Post-It notes indicated where two bullets hit siding on the house.

“I used to watch the news daily and I would grieve for other mothers, other family members, and now today I’m grieving myself,” Cooksey said at a news conference outside the residence earlier Sunday.

Others who spoke said the police should have used stun guns or other nonlethal methods if they felt they needed to subdue LeGrier.

“Why do (police) have to shoot first and ask questions later?” Jacqueline Walker, a friend of Jones, said. “It’s ridiculous.”

More:

Thomson Reuters

Family spokesman Eric Russell said Jones’ many grandchildren had hoped to thank her for their Christmas gifts over the weekend.

Autopsy findings released Sunday by the Cook County medical examiner’s office say Jones died from a gunshot to the chest and LeGrier from multiple gunshot wounds.

Police spokesman Anthony Guglielmi on Sunday said only that the shootings were being investigated by the city’s Independent Police Review Authority, the main police oversight agency.

LeGrier’s cousin, Albert Person, said LeGrier’s father had invited his son to a holiday gathering at another home on Christmas. Person said the son’s refusal to go caused friction, but he downplayed the severity of the argument.

“What family doesn’t fight on the holidays?” he said.

LeGrier’s father, Antonio LeGrier, told the Chicago Sun-Times his son appeared to be a “little agitated” when the father returned to the apartment. Around 4:15 a.m., the elder LeGrier said he heard loud banging on his locked bedroom door and that his son said, “You’re not going to scare me.” He said his son tried to bust the door open, but he kept him from doing so and called the police. He added that he called Jones on the floor below to say his son was a “little irate” and not to open the door unless the police arrived.

Finally:

He said Jones told him his son was outside with a baseball bat. Person said the teen was back in the house by the time the police arrived.

When they did arrive, Antonio LeGrier said he heard Jones yell, “Whoa, whoa, whoa!” He said he heard gunshots as he made his way down from the second floor and then saw his son and Jones lying in the foyer.

He said his son had emotional problems after spending most of his childhood in foster care. He described him as a “whiz kid” on break from Northern Illinois University, where he majored in electrical engineering technology.

Cooksey denied that her son ever exhibited “combative behavior.” She said he “might’ve been angry with his father and they might’ve got into it,” but that he was not angry or violent.

It’s not clear whether Jones tried to intervene before being shot or whether she was hit by gunfire while answering the door.

Uh Oh: Say What?

y Images

Sam Adam Jr., a lawyer for the Jones family, said Jones and LeGrier were apparently shot near the doorway of the home but shell casings were found some 20 feet away. He said that raised questions about whether the police could have perceived LeGrier as a threat at such a distance.

It couldn’t be independently verified that the casings had any link to Saturday’s shooting.

Adam also said the police took the hard drive of a home-security camera from across the street, but it was unknown whether it or other cameras in the neighborhood captured the shootings.

The office of Chicago’s mayor, Rahm Emanuel, said in a statement Saturday that IPRA would share its evidence with the county prosecutor’s office.

“Any time an officer uses force the public deserves answers, and regardless of the circumstances, we all grieve anytime there is a loss of life in our city,” Emanuel said in the statement.

IPRA : Independent Police Review Authority is a group of people that have the responsibility to look at Police involved shooting and evaluate whether or not it was justified.

They also offer recommend that if in some cases an officer should be reprimanded or even terminated.

There are a lot of people involved with this increased number of shootings of unarmed Black men however, we must take a look at other common themes in these types of shootings.

They feared for their lives ( Even though they are the one’s with training and go into dangerous situations)

They are the only one with a weapon.

In most cases they (The Officers) is using a lot of profanity and are rarely alone.

But what if the Black man isn’t a man at all and based on the constitution “Not Even Human”

Ebony Slaughter-Johnson published

Still Treated as Second-Class Citizens By the Law

The infamous Dred Scott Supreme Court ruling once denied African Americans any and all rights as human beings. Has anything changed?

July 13, 2016 | Ebony Slaughter-Johnson

She Continued

When I heard about the police shootings of Alton Sterling and Philando Castile, I thought back to another name etched into American history: Dred Scott.

In 1857, the Supreme Court was tasked with deciding whether Scott, an African American man born into slavery, should be granted his freedom. The justices not only denied Scott’s request, but also took the opportunity to send a chilling message to all African Americans, free and enslaved, that reverberates to this day.

The court held that as members of an inferior race, African Americans were not citizens at all — and, as such, did not even have legal standing to sue. African Americans, as Chief Justice Roger Taney so decisively determined, had “no rights which the white man was bound to respect.”

The next century was characterized by an ongoing struggle to prove Taney wrong.

African American heroism during the Civil War era hastened the passage of the Thirteenth, Fourteenth, and Fifteenth Amendments, which ended slavery and (theoretically) reversed race-based restrictions on citizenship. Yet these gains were negated almost as quickly as they were realized, as the strong grip of Jim Crow choked communities throughout the South.

Over the violent decades that followed, African Americans endured church bombings,harassment, and police beatings and animal attacks, like the brutalities inflicted on those marching across the Edmund Pettus Bridge in 1965. This sacrifice of the black body, along with sustained lobbying, ultimately led to the enactment of the Civil Rights Act of 1964 and the Voting Rights Act of 1965.

Yet even today, second-class citizenship continues. It shows up in generational poverty, a disparate education system, mass incarceration, and violence at the hands of police.

In fact, African Americans are three times as likely as whites to be killed by police, even though they’re twice as likely to be unarmed. That’s produced a slew of names that, like Dred Scott’s, may loom over our history for centuries because of the rights they were denied.

In 2012, Trayvon Martin and Jordan Davis, both of whom had committed no crimes or infractions of any sort, were deprived of their constitutional right to life by self-deputized racists who proclaimed themselves judge, juror, and executioner and gunned them down.

That same year, Rekia Boyd was murdered under a hail of bullets by an off-duty police officer who reproached Boyd and her friends for talking too loudly, depriving her of her right to free speech, freedom of assembly, and life.

In August 2014, Michael Brown’s right to a fair and public trial was violated by the police officer who shot him and callously left his lifeless body to bleed out in the street.

Walter Scott’s life and right to due process were taken in April 2015 at the hands of a law enforcement officer, who then had the audacity to plant his weapon next to Scott’s motionless body on the ground — all over a mere traffic violation.

On July 5, 2016, Alton Sterling, a father of five who was selling CDs to provide for his children, was murdered by law enforcement officers who violated his Fourth Amendment right to prevent unwarranted search and seizure simply because he fit a certain profile.

Less than 48 hours later, Philando Castile was pulled over for a broken tail light. Castile’s non-threatening disclosure that he was legally carrying a concealed weapon prompted a police officer to murder him in front of his partner and her four-year-old daughter, violating his Second Amendment right to bear arms.

In 2016, one would hope that the “inalienable rights” of all Americans are respected. Yet Taney’s words that African Americans “have no rights which the white man was bound to respect” still ring loud and clear.

Not A Man, Not Human and Not Worthy Of Rights On Protection Under The Law :

Reasons Why You Should Not Complain:

You were savages..

You were not educated.

You lacked spirituality.( I will address these myth in PT.2)

Even though Science and Historians both agree the this is not the facts. Young children of all races rely on the lies and myths of public educational systems to miseducate them about the Black Man’s actual history.

But why?

America has never and will never correct this system and in many ways I feel that it isn’t all bad.

If we take a closer look at this system and the power of a required educational formula we may see that all other ethnic groups through Religion, Family gatherings and National connection educate their posterity to a sense of pride and citizenship.

Where is the “Black State”..?

The “Black Flag “..?

The “Black Language “..?

The “Black Military “..?

Black is a color and this color does not represent all of them because they come in many colors.

In a conversation with a friend the other day, our conversation took a turn when my “Friend “ referred to the “Black People “ as a minority.

I responded by saying to him that if he would connect with his proud Italian community instead of connecting to the “White Race” He/They would also be considered a minority.

Hmm…

E Pluribus Unum

Out Of Many One.

One America,One People?

Hmm…

A Brief History of Slavery and the Origins of American Policing

Written by Victor E. Kappeler, Ph.D.

The birth and development of the American police can be traced to a multitude of historical, legal and political-economic conditions. The institution of slavery and the control of minorities, however, were two of the more formidable historic features of American society shaping early policing. Slave patrols and Night Watches, which later became modern police departments, were both designed to control the behaviors of minorities. For example, New England settlers appointed Indian Constables to police Native Americans (National Constable Association, 1995), the St. Louis police were founded to protect residents from Native Americans in that frontier city, and many southern police departments began as slave patrols. In 1704, the colony of Carolina developed the nation’s first slave patrol. Slave patrols helped to maintain the economic order and to assist the wealthy landowners in recovering and punishing slaves who essentially were considered property.

Policing was not the only social institution enmeshed in slavery. Slavery was fully institutionalized in the American economic and legal order with laws being enacted at both the state and national divisions of government. Virginia, for example, enacted more than 130 slave statutes between 1689 and 1865. Slavery and the abuse of people of color, however, was not merely a southern affair as many have been taught to believe. Connecticut, New York and other colonies enacted laws to criminalize and control slaves. Congress also passed fugitive Slave Laws, laws allowing the detention and return of escaped slaves, in 1793 and 1850. As Turner, Giacopassi and Vandiver (2006:186) remark, “the literature clearly establishes that a legally sanctioned law enforcement system existed in America before the Civil War for the express purpose of controlling the slave population and protecting the interests of slave owners. The similarities between the slave patrols and modern American policing are too salient to dismiss or ignore. Hence, the slave patrol should be considered a forerunner of modern American law enforcement.”

The legacy of slavery and racism did not end after the Civil War. In fact it can be argued that extreme violence against people of color became even worse with the rise of vigilante groups who resisted Reconstruction. Because vigilantes, by definition, have no external restraints, lynch mobs had a justified reputation for hanging minorities first and asking questions later. Because of its tradition of slavery, which rested on the racist rationalization that Blacks were sub-human, America had a long and shameful history of mistreating people of color, long after the end of the Civil War. Perhaps the most infamous American vigilante group, the Ku Klux Klan started in the 1860s, was notorious for assaulting and lynching Black men for transgressions that would not be considered crimes at all, had a White man committed them. Lynching occurred across the entire county not just in the South. Finally, in 1871 Congress passed the Ku Klux Klan Act, which prohibited state actors from violating the Civil Rights of all citizens in part because of law enforcements’ involvement with the infamous group. This legislation, however, did not stem the tide of racial or ethnic abuse that persisted well into the 1960s.

Though having white skin did not prevent discrimination in America, being White undoubtedly made it easier for ethnic minorities to assimilate into the mainstream of America. The additional burden of racism has made that transition much more difficult for those whose skin is black, brown, red, or yellow. In no small part because of the tradition of slavery, Blacks have long been targets of abuse. The use of patrols to capture runaway slaves was one of the precursors of formal police forces, especially in the South. This disastrous legacy persisted as an element of the police role even after the passage of the Civil Rights Act of 1964. In some cases, police harassment simply meant people of African descent were more likely to be stopped and questioned by the police, while at the other extreme, they have suffered beatings, and even murder, at the hands of White police. Questions still arise today about the disproportionately high numbers of people of African descent killed, beaten, and arrested by police in major urban cities of America.

Victor E. Kappeler, Ph.D.

Associate Dean and Foundation Professor

School of Justice Studies

Eastern Kentucky University

pisonline.eju.edu

References

National Constables Association (1995). Constable. In W. G. Bailey (Ed.), The Encyclopedia of Police Science (2nd ed., pp. 114–114). New York, NY: Garland Press.

Turner, K. B. , Giacopassi , D. , & Vandiver , M. (2006) . Ignoring the Past: Coverage of Slavery and Slave Patrols in Criminal Justice Texts. Journal of Criminal Justice Education, 17: (1), 181–195.

Published on January 07, 2014

This is part 1 of a 3 part series that is designed to get clarity, understanding and answers.

I have had many people tug at me and asking me to offer my thoughts and ideas on this difficult subject as well as offer anecdotes to help us correct many of the misconceptions and misunderstandings that divide us so let’s face it together.- Arnoldmrdadtate-

Black Lies Matters PT.8 “ Hell Hath No Fury Like A Black Woman Scorned “

While dining in at my local fast food restaurant in my neighborhood a group young ladies sat down at the table next to me.

They were school girls and as I sat there eating my quarter dark with salt/pepper and mild sauce ( It’s A Chicago Thing) I was not ready for what I was about to hear.

To say they there was profanity would be an understatement.

And to say that they were loud would not be an exaggeration.

As a advocate for at risk youth in Chicago and around the world I realize that young have a particular type of freedom and independence in their groups.

I also understood that there are risk that exist when young people are left to themselves.

On this Wednesday afternoon at Harold’s all that I wanted was to enjoy my meal in peace and head to my cigar lounge and relax.

That didn’t happen, what happen was quite the opposite at least and far as enjoying my meal in peace.

This group of young ladies began by talking about a young lady at their school that for some reason none of them liked.

One of the young ladies “Erica” they called her, had gotten into a fight with earlier this year and Erica apparently got a five day suspension because she had ambushed ( Attacked someone without them knowing there was an issue) the other girl.

Also according to Erica she (Erica) got the worst end of this fracas having her weave snatched out and breaking her iPhone.

You are probably thinking, Man he was ear hustling.however, No I wasn’t. this wasn’t the case. these young ladies were loud, very loud.

At some point Kim spoke out, she was the heaviest ( No fat shaming) one in the group she was also the loudest.

She made a claim that her “ Mom, don’t play”

She continues that her Mom had stabbed a former boyfriend and that she (Her Mom) (Got Off) and even though she (her Mom) was questioned but not charged.

These is an interesting identity that I have found that is synonymous with Black women.

We see it everywhere.

In the workplace on television and movies there is this idea that the Black Woman Is uncontrollable and angry.

In the words of Bruno Mars “Don’t Believe Me Just Watch “

You Can’t Take Them “Anywhere”

Whether it is one of the “Housewives “ shows.

Love And Hip Hop.

Facebook .

Empire.

Or anyone of Tyler Perry’s movies you will see her represented or for the sake of this blog “Misrepresented”

Girl-rillas is a popular term used to describe this behavior.

As I listen to these young ladies I wonder if they have a chance in a world that is becoming less and less tolerant of this behavior.

I have always believed that art imitates life. However, in the case of all of the hiphop based programming I have heard that more of the parents are watching and imitating these performers.

Their daughters.

Well, they are there or within a “ Earshot “ of this stage misinterpretation of Black Womanhood.

Who’s responsible and who will help them?

The Children.

Also “Is this true, is this how they really are?

Stop, for a moment.

Now go to Google and look up “ Loud mouth Black Woman “

What did you find?

This is something that I found.

Angry Black Woman is an American trope that black women are “sassy, ill-mannered, and tempered by nature”, employing the terms “Sapphire” or “Sassy Black Woman”. The Angry Black Woman myth assumes that black women are aggressive.

The Angry Black Woman stereotype has not been studied to the same degree as the mammy and Jezebel archetypes.[citation needed] Some scholars, e.g. Dionne Bennett and Marcyliena Morgan, suggest that the stereotype is less studied because researchers accept it as true.[1][unreliable source?][2] en.m.wikipedia.org

Isn’t it interesting that there isn’t or wasn’t any research done on the subject (myth) because “ It Is Assumed To Be True”?

As far as where this “Assumed” stereotype came from there are a few suggestions one being the Black Woman being considered invisible and irrelevant in the community and the world.

A way of being “Heard”

Sounding out or sounding off.

Black feminists who challenge Angry Black Woman myth:

The angry Black woman myth also shapes how others read and interpret the actions of Black women. There are various sources, platforms and mediums that Black women use to shed light on the impact of the myth. A number of Black women provide insight on how the myth is reinforced in the media, social spaces and interpersonal interactions. Furthermore, Black women whether if it’s through activism, academia, art, dance, or writing validate, affirm their rage. They do so by explaining and debunking the myth and explaining their anger.[citation needed] en.m.wikipedia.com

Iyanla Vanzant chimes in:

In the first of a four-part special event, Iyanla Vanzant invites eight women to move into her House of Healing. The women, including a single mother, several victims of child abuse, and a set of twins—one of whom was attacked by an ex-boyfriend—all share one thing in common: They have all been labeled as angry black women. Iyanla’s intention is to prove that this stereotype is inaccurate, untrue and dangerous.

oprah.com

Read more: http://www.oprah.com/own-iyanla-fix-my-life/iyanla-challenges-the-myth-of-the-angry-black-woman#ixzz5B53vb7tM

What can I say?

Even though I see something that I do not like.

There are many that don’t see a problem with this stereotype.

My reason for attempting to blog on the subject is a generation that appears to believe that this behavior is normal and acceptable behavior.

That it should be considered a way to be heard.

That there is nothing that can or should be done about it.

To them I will only say.

Ladies, if you are going to defend,define and control your narrative there has to be someway and someone that represents you.

And that representative must not speak so loudly that they drowned their constituency.

Constituency:

The people that you represent and that represents you.

—noun, plural con·stit·u·en·cies.

a body of constituents; the voters or residents in a district represented by an elective officer.

the district itself.

any body of supporters, customers, etc.; clientele.

As for the ladies at the table next to mine. I don’t know what happened with their meeting went because I left shortly after Kim’s remarks about her Mom.

Part 2 “More Answers” coming soon

Arnoldmrdadtate –

“6 Things That I Learned After Going Through A Divorce “

It has been almost 25 year since my divorce from my first wife and the mother of my 3 children.

It wasn’t something that I wanted. Nor, was it something that I was a direct part of or welcomed.

Although I share in its demise.

My then wife wanted it and had all of the support that she want and needed to make it happen.

Family (some mine), Friends ( stop mine) and some enemies were happy to put their 2 cents in to see my wife divorce me.

It wasn’t about her being happy. It was however her being away from me.

What is missing?

What is missing is the reason.

Why? According to the 3 page letter that she ( my then wife) gave my youngest then 9 years old at the time to give me has no legitimate claims however I knew that there wasn’t anything that I could do about it.

This blog is not about me being divorced or the idea that there can actually be a such thing as “ No Fault Divorce “

It is about the (6) of the main culprits that I observed at the time and want to share.

The is marital advice. It is however premarital advice.

Number One: It is easier to get married than it is to be married or stay married.

There are a number of reasons to want to be married and the way that enter into marriage.

Some live together (We Didn’t)

Some have children (We Didn’t)

Some save themselves for marriage (We Did)

Any one of these scenarios could work. At least when it comes to getting married.

I could blame my divorce on the fact that I didn’t have any role models.

Or being unemployed or fired but many marriages have survived much worse.

Preparation is key.

It looks easy but it isn’t.

Maybe Number Two Will Help?

Number Two:

Love is cool. But, it takes commitment.

This is easier said than done. Imagine what it would be like to be in a relationship with someone and it is all one sided. Or they are just mean and angry all the time?

Or maybe they didn’t bathe?

What if your spouse was a chronic cheater?

The idea of remaining committed would be unfair.

When we consider the vows we take or make to our mate that is exactly what we are agreeing to.

Til death do us part…

And then there’s number 3.

Number Three:

Know your personale:

What do you know about each other?

Some say that you don’t a person until you live with them.

Anything from personal space to snoring may create a riff or resentment in a relationship.

In my present marriage my wife dislikes all of my choices of colognes.

That’s tough but it is a small thing (I just let her buy my cologne.

Understanding our partner and how we will operate and facilitate this small space is important and may take some cooperation ( On Both Side)

This may have contributed to my divorce.

Number Four:

To Counselor Or Not To Counselor.

We didn’t do premarital counseling and that may have been part of the problem.

I must be honest. I am stubborn and somewhat of a bully when it comes to my opinion and my time and having a professional counselor communicate to me how this personality flaw wouldn’t work in a marriage would have been key.

There are many counseling services that provide financial support as well.

They may have helped because my then wife and I had no idea about money management.

And this brings us to number five:

Number Five:

God And Religion.

This is an interesting one because as Christian, which we both were at the time.

We understood or at least we believe we understood that we should both be of the same religious belief.

Heck, there was even something in the Bible about it.

2 Corinthians 6:14 says

Be ye not unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship hath righteousness with unrighteousness and what communion hath light with darkness.

There you have it.

Or at least we thought we had it.

We were good Church going people and being part of a small startup there weren’t a lot of resources like counseling or even support for a young couple that “were in love” and that’s all that mattered or shall I say we were “Clueless “.

To add to these misconceptions we were part of a Church that considered the Bible “The word of God”

And we weren’t going to disobey God.

Because it was better to marry, than to burn (Also A Bible Verse)

So what exactly did this verse mean? “Be ye not unequally yoked “

Well it turns out this verse could mean any number of things from marriage to a non-Christian or marriage to an individual that had fallen out of fellowship.

Oh Sorry…

That’s when a person either stops coming to church or doesn’t want to follow Christian living.

It may also mean that one belongs to another church.

I this is according to how some people may interpret the verse.

Number Six :

To have or not to have children?

Children may be the single most blessing or curse to a successful relationship or marriage.

There is also the subject of not having them (children) or even how many do we have?

In either case children will make a difference.

For my family I must say that my children are a blessing and even though their timing and our lack of understanding placed us in a difficult situation ( A Child Born Each Year For 3 Years)

I have to conclude they kept things fresh and interesting.

These were happy and we were happy.

Looking back and attempting to put things into prospective, I now realize that my children were the glue and the inspiration.

They were also a part of a weird scenario that I played over and over again in my own life growing up with a father that was gone by the time that I was nine.

Also.

A continuous dream that I had as a boy as well as into my teens about three daughters that would sit on my lap and plead with me “Daddy, hurry up and get married so we can be born”

We actually had two girls and a boy.( because after two girls I prayed that I’d get a boy.

This weird desire to correct or prove that I would or could be the Father that my Father wasn’t.

And actually raise my children.

Many people are making the decisions to have children without realizing that this is a tough job if you want to do it correctly.

Some are choosing to have children in an attempt to be with a person or remain connected to a person.

There are those that do not want children male or female and will not inform their partner that they do not want children (Either now or ever)

As I walk back through time to prepare to write this Blog I am surprised by the fact that I found Six because we sometimes overthink and complicate things by adding things that will not help.

I am trying to help.

Just remember:

It is easier to get married than to be married and stay married.

Love is cool. But, it takes commitment.

Know your personal.

To Counselor or not to Counselor.

God and Religion.

To have or not to have children.

-The End-

Arnoldmrdadtate

“Motiv-Tate-Ion”

Arnoldmrdadtate Quo-Tate-ions

Tate Of Emergency:

Our minds have the power to create a world that our eyes have yet to see.

Our minds have the ability experience all 5 senses and more.

Think about this.

With our mind can we can taste a pizza, see our mothers beautiful face,hear the bark of a dog or feel the texture of fine silk and smell coffee.

Our mind is created to create.

We waste too much mind space.

We block our mind ability to create the life we want through addictions like

Partying: the loud music, lights and people quiet the mind and silence the creator (You)

Drinking to much alcohol and drugs can help us forget our responsibilities ((Who you are)

Binge and Binging on social media and streaming services. (This will dull our perception of reality) (Augmented Reality)

Grief,Depression and Fear:

These (3) may be found in the other mind stealers above .

I believe that we need to mourn

properly. If it’s family,friend ,pet or relationships…

These (3) and their willingness to to support each other is hard to see however pay attention.

Get help,speak to someone.

Because our mind is so powerful, we have the power to create and recreate of idea of what is good and what is not good.

Try this:

Think good thoughts and do not allow negativity,even when it comes to those that have wronged you.

Reclaim your mind and experience once again the way we all felt as children.

Anything is possible.

Worry was nonexistent.

I can run so fast that I feel I can fly.

My imagination is my canvas

And

I can’t wait until I grow up… just kidding, I was just making sure you were paying attention.

Final thoughts:

If you rescue your mind, you will rescue your life and this will be your awakening.

#tateofemergency

#greatdaysaweek

No one will understand the steps we take.

They say, we are behaving strangely.

They say, we may seen antisocial.

We try to explain and no one is listening because we sound “Crazy”…

How dare we break the rules

Why can’t we be like everyone else

“Who do you think you are?”

Why do you

Think?

Dream?

Imagine?

Greatness not only “Await”

Greatness Awakes…

Reclaim you mind.

The price is high and either way you’re going to pay…

Change or stay the same…

GreatDays a week: entrepreneurs don’t get off daze or weak ins…

You can change your clothes.

You can change your address.

You may even change your words.

But until you change your mind,

Nothing will ever change…

-Arnold mrdadtate-

Great days a week: The entrepreneur does not get dazed,off or weak ends…

When talking the talk, we must walk the walk .

We must understand the difference between positive speaking and “Parroting” “(Following the follower)

What’s the difference?

The difference is in what occurs after we speak.

Sometimes speaking will draw what we do not want, to prepare us for what we do want, and I’m sorry to say some of us can’t handle.

Test,Preparation,Practice,Work, Rejection and the word No.

So be mindful of your words,they will give you what you ask for but,there are always a requirement,delivery charge or need for proof of purchase…Arnoldmrdadtate

Once you realize how much work it is to be a warrior you will understand why there are so many slaves…

Edutate: When others tell you that you’re over and done.

“What Will You” Say and most importantly “What Will You Do?”

Actual post:

Repected is earn not given. Do to others as you would want them to do to you! Simple !

My actual response:

Let me teach you something that no one else will say or maybe they do not know. This is a story that is told over and over but, it is not true… respect is offered by the self respecting as a gift. The gift is a gift that is so powerful that it not only changes the one that receives the respect, but also all those that witness it…

Successful day:

Break some rules, not the law and not the bank Arnoldmrdadtate

Pay attention, pay close attention.

A.) It appears that they love you.

B.) It appeared that they wanted you.

C.) It was like they were all in.

The reality is that they needed you and when they no longer needed you they abandoned you…

Face it “You Were A Tool…

Disloyalty is born from ungratefulness (I know it’s not a word) but pay close attention.

When an individual is used to receiving (Things) they sometimes look at the giver as

A.) Someone that has plenty.

B.) Someone that believes that they are special.

And as a result, there is therefore no reason to say thank you or attempt to repay and feel indebted.

-PRESENCE FOR PRESENTS –

presentsforpresence

#EduTate: Opportunity does not knock. In fact,opportunity will never visit you unless you have a thought fortified with action that produces such a commotion that Opportunity is inevitable..

“Cell-phones”

It’s not that you did anything wrong, in fact you haven’t.

It is not that you are a bad person.

In fact, you are in most cases more aware of the things that you do or even that you haven’t done yet.

Today we feel Omnipotent.

Dictionary.com said related to god and supremacy.

However the thesaurus had a lot more to say about it.

noun: supremacy

authority

control

dominion

mastery

power

We have a discount version of Omnipresence.

Well we aren’t able to teleport yet and even then we would only be able to be one place at a time.

adjective

present everywhere at the same time: the omnipresent God.

dictionary.com

We ain’t that. But we have the ability to see a bunch of places and even experience a virtual tour.

We believe that we are Omniscient:

Yep we are.

noun

the quality or state of being omniscient.

infinite knowledge.

(initial capital letter) God.

dictionary.com

There was another one that I wanted to add that is called Omnificent.

— adjective

creating all things; having unlimited powers of creation.

We are Omnificent and I will explain why later in this blog.

The power we have when we use our cell phones is hard to explain and without using words like dopamine (That for the psychology people) to suggest that we are stimulated by likes, comments and alerts I’ll merely say we are very powerful,or at least we feel that way.

As I am writing this blog I am at a local mall “People Watching “ and I have to say that I had all the research that I need.

Imagine what we may look like to our pets or animal or even “Extraterrestrials”…

These are some of the things that I have observed.

People bumping into each other and they both are angry but both of them could have gotten a citation for “Distracted Walking “

A group of four (Probably a family) and get this the children are looking where they were going,

The adults however were not, I observed them (The Adults) bumping into the children and blaming the children for obstructing their path.

Moments later this family stopped at the Malls food spot. As they sat they sat for maybe 10 minutes before ordering anything.

Mom and Dad with their Phones, the little girl had a tablet and the boy had some type of game.

What Tha Heck?

Just when I thought I’d seen it all a group of 5 young ladies and a group of 4 young men (Not Together) enter a sneaker store (You guessed it)

Phones in their faces.

Who could have imagined?

What is happening to us?

When did this take place and where will it take us?

Where have we placed our minds.

How are we going to end up?

Why isn’t it an addiction?

Wait? What?…

Are you actually addicted to your cellphone?

http://www.buzzfeed.com

Here are some examples of their test.

Been accused of being “addicted” to your cell phone.

Been accused of treating your cell phone “like a fifth limb.”

Dropped your phone and felt like you were dropping a baby.

Watched someone else drop their phone and winced/cried out.

Argued with your parents about your cell phone use.

Left your phone face-down on the dinner table.

Left your phone face-up on the dinner table.

Tried to secretly check your phone under the table.

There are quite a few questions and there is one that asks if you are taking the test from your cell phone? http://www.buzzfeed.com

Earlier in this blog I talked about the idea of being “All Powerful” “All Knowing” or All Present, being everywhere at the same time.

This attributes or the idea or ability come as the result of cellphone use or abuse.

Smartphones:

An interesting fact about the smartphone is that it is not smart at all and it relies on us for everything from purchasing it and charging it to programming it and we refer to it as a smartphone.

I have a question for you?

You knew this was coming…

If we refer to our cellphone as a “Smartphone”

How do we refer “Ourselves “ or each other.

Our “Cellular Device “ is totally dependent upon us and once it has been “Programmed” and “Set Up”

The “Set Up” is that we’re the ones that are programmed. #youare, #areyou…#weare

Wow…

Cell phones demands (Commandments)

Look at me?

Attend to me?

Touch me?

No one and nothing is more important than me?

Our Children,Jobs or Friends are not more important than our “Alternate Distraction Device” (A.D.D)

What happened to our power,can we even remember our lives before cellphones.

We had a life of responsibility and family gatherings that consisted of talking to each other and then there was the occasional television and the radio for entertainment.

We had a phone and it had a purpose (To Make And Receive Phone Calls)

We had a calendar and we had a clock.

There were the weather and the nightly news.

And we can’t forget our alarm clock,a map or GPS and our computer.

Credit cards or sighing our own signature.

The “Jailphone” oops, I meant Cellphone has eliminated or should I say combined all of these things as well as dislodging our common sense and need for human contact.

And what’s with all of the derogatory terms like #jailphone and #alternatedistractiondevice or maybe #jailcell all of these names suggest being imprisoned,lock up separated from friends and family.

Some will say:

Can’t we just realize how advanced the idea of having a computer in your pocket is and embrace the futuristic implications.?

This is what some people say when I talk about children sometimes as young as 8 years old having a smartphone.

I realize that most teen and young adults treat their phone as an appendage.

Huh? What is that ,you say?

ap·pend·age

əˈpendij/Submit

noun

plural noun: appendages

(often with negative or pejorative connotations) a thing that is added or attached to something larger or more important.

“they treat Scotland as a mere appendage of England”

synonyms: addition, attachment, adjunct, addendum, appurtenance, accessory

“I am not just an appendage to the family”

dictionary.com

We head out the door and will turn around and return home for our phones,but not our keys or lunch or even to kiss or children or partner.

We check in constantly, if we drop it we panic.

First thing in the morning and the last thing at night,even if someone else gets an alert we still check in.

We see someone with their phone we check to see if we have ours and then “Sneak A Peek”

Does the title of this blog still sound far fetched or out of bounds.

We are the “Slave” our phone is the “Master “

We are the “Sheep” and the phone is the “Shepard”

And yes we are the “Servants” because we have made our phone “God”

My Take:

First of all I’d like to say that phones for children isn’t a good idea.

I will go a step further and say that giving a child a cellphone is a bad idea.

15 year old should be the minimum age.

If adults have no power over this (A.D.D) #alternativedistractiondevice , putting it in the hands of a child will detract and block much of if not all of what we say to them as well as what their teacher would try to teach them.

As for us adults we must pay attention to the signs of misuse,abuse and addiction with our children that they may have learned from us.

We must be honest and get our control back,this means power off our phones,avoid charging our phone by our beds and create a rule when with friends and family at the dinner table and place a time limit on social media and web searches.

Final Thoughts:

Has our cellphones become a lifeline or a life sentence?

When we lost,misplaced or otherwise had to be without our phones how do we spent this time?

And we must realize this as a problem and save future generations from this potential mind stealing decision.

Take a look around you everywhere that you go and everyone that you know os distracted, not paying attention and losing hours and hours, days on top of days that they will ever recover.

How About:

Time yourself each day.

Turn it off,not down

Encourage your friends and family to shut it off.

Remember it is a tool and we should treat it like one.

I almost forgot: Omnificent, I promised to talk about it later in this blog.

[om-nif-uh-suhnt}

adjective

creating all things; having unlimited powers of creation

This is the power that we forfeit when we surrender our mind to anything that may Addict us.

We are creators and we need our minds to be free and clear to do so.

This will not happen if we continue to allow or loan our minds to the augmented realities of a jailphone that will incarcerate our creative potential.

Imagine the old pinball games and imagine that the ball is your brain.

How could you concentrate? how would you create.

-The End-

“Earshot “ Let’s Role Model…

“We hear it all the time, what happened to my little girl”

“My son was an honor roll student all through grade school”

“We raised our children in the church”.

These are the stories that we tell ourselves and others when we have to face a difficult family moment.

There are many people that say that they are looking for answers.

Why God?…Why…?

“What happened to my perfect little niece”.

We have a set of beliefs that seem to protect us from any if not all things that may seem eye opening or may make us feel guilty, ashamed or embarrassed about something our children have done or are doing.

What have our children become?

What have our children been accused of?

It’s tough and it may be difficult to hear but there are ways to fix this stream of negative and disheartening comments.

Earshot is a word that we no longer use. But this term was widely used when I was growing up.

—noun

the range or distance within which a sound, voice, etc., can be heard.

dictionary.com

We had a rule or should I say tradition in my childhood home.

Well several rules:

Children should be seen and not heard.

No back talk or talking back.

Stay in a child’s place.

Yes ma’am no ma’am or yes sir, no sir is how we responded to all adults.

These were the rule and there would be no discussion (That would back talk)

Another rule was we didn’t listen to or “butt in “ adults conversations.

When adults were speaking we would be ask to leave the room.

“Grown folks are talkin” …they would say.

There were a number of reasons that we had to be excused.

They (parents) may want to use profanity (Bad Words)

They may want to discuss something about us.

They may say something that they wouldn’t want repeated.

The idea was that if they said anything within an “Earshot “ of the children it may corrupt our innocence.

It may make them ( The Adults) look bad or irresponsible.

We didn’t understand this tactic. And many times we thought that they were keeping something from us.

We were right.

The Earshot rule serves as a “Guidewire” or a “Protective” barrier from the children in order for the childhood experience to remain pure (Uncorrupted) and innocent “ignorance” was truly bliss in the world of the “Grown Folks “

This was a good thing and I thank my Mother and the adults of my youth for their “Consideration “ and “ Mindfulness “.

Why?

The brain of the child is like a magnet. Some refer to it as a sponge that takes in any and all information.

And even when the child doesn’t know. “ What it is” or “how they may use it” the child’s brain will store it.

Hmm…

Babies listen and learn while in the womb

http://www.webmd.com

The new research suggests that babies began to absorb language when they are inside the womb during the last 10 weeks of pregnancy — which is earlier than previously held. Newborns can actually tell the difference between their mother’s native tongue and foreign languages just hours after they are born. http://www.webmd.com

It depends on how pregnant you are. Your baby will start to hear between 23 weeks and 27 weeks. The constant beat of your heart is the clearest sound for him, but he’ll also be able to hear some of the things going on around you.

Your baby will only hear low-pitched sounds to start with. These sounds will be mostly what’s going on in your body, such as blood pumping through your vessels, your tummy gurgling and your breathing.

Between about 29 weeks and 33 weeks your baby starts to make out high-pitched sounds too, such as a child’s cry or a car alarm.

You may be able to tell if your baby can hear sounds outside your womb (uterus) by playing music, and reading or talking to him. If he can hear what’s going on, he may respond by moving around more.

Studies of newborn behaviour show that babies get used to the music and voices they’ve heard in the womb. When your baby is born, if he hears sounds he’s heard before birth, he may respond by appearing more alert and active. Your newborn may also pay more attention to your voice than any other.

As your unborn baby can’t see or touch the outside world, hearing is the one sense that helps him to prepare for life after birth. Knowing your voice before he’s born helps him form that strong bond with you afterwards.

In fact, some people think that the reason babies learn to hear in the womb is so that they can bond with their mothers more easily once they’re born.

It’s also likely that your baby’s ability to hear helps him start to understand speech rhythms. This is the first step on the long road to learning how language works.

You may be concerned about what noise levels are safe for your baby. Experts don’t know what effect loud sounds may have on your baby’s wellbeing. Rest assured that your baby is well-insulated in your womb. Your gut instinct is probably the best indication of whether something’s too loud or not.

If you choose to wait until your baby’s born before you sing, chat and read to him, it won’t hold back his development in any way. Everything your baby needs to prepare for life outside the womb will filter through naturally, as you go about daily life.

Wondering what to sing to your baby in the womb? Our selection of top lullabies will inspire you, and they may also help to soothe him once he’s born.

Last reviewed: June 2017

http://www.babycentre.cu.uk

This article was written using the following sources:

Arabin B. 2002. Music during pregnancy. Ultrasound Obstet Gynecol 20(5):425-30 onlinelibrary.wiley.com [Accessed October 2014]

DeCasper AJ and Fifer WP. 1980 . Of human bonding: newborns prefer their mothers’ voices. Science 208(4448):1174-6

DeCasper AJ et al. 1986 . Prenatal maternal speech influences newborns’ perception of speech and sound. Infant Behavior and Development 9:133-150

Hepper PG, Shahidullah BS. 1994 . Development of fetal hearing. Arch Dis Child 71(2):F81-7 http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov [Accessed October 2014]

James DK et al. 2002. Fetal learning: a prospective randomized controlled study. Ultrasound Obstet Gynecol 20:431-438

Kisilevsky BS, Hains SM, Lee K, et al. 2003. Effects of experience on fetal voice recognition. Psychol Sci 14(3):220-4

Kisilevsky BS, Hains SM, Brown, et al. 2009. Fetal sensivity to properties of maternal speech and language. Infant Behav Dev 32(1):59-71

Mampe B, Friederici AD, Christophe A, et al. 2009. Newborns’ cry melody is shaped by their native language. Curr Biol 19(23):1994-7

Smith LS, Dmochowski PA, Muir DW, et al. 2007. Estimated cardiac vagal tone predicts fetal responses to mother’s and stranger’s voices. Dev Psychobiol 49(5):543-7

Pre-birth:

In utero,while in the womb they (The Unborn Child) can hear?

This is an interesting fact and one that can be or appear to have been overlooked by medical professionals as it relates to the prenatal care experience.

What if you knew that your child’s seeming disliking or resistant towards a family has an potential root cause.

Every conversation, argument or abusive episode.

Everyone word of love and care is creating a bridge or a fence to their (Your Child’s) outer world perception.

What will they learn :

The lesson that they will learn from their first teacher (The Parent ) will become part of a permanent file that will create the person they (The Children) will become.

When we speak to our children or we speak about or against them that may be another file.

The television (Programming) both theirs and yours is another file.

How can we know or when do we know that our child has gotten a message?

How can we accept the idea that we have given our children a wrong message or have been the wrong example?

When they are born we try our best to guide them to make sure that they know what is right or what is wrong, even as we live outside of what may be considered right or wrong.

“Do what I say,not what I do”…

Our young children have our undivided attention as we give them instructions so that they feel safe and cared for.

But at some point we, without even realizing it began to remove our tight grip and we recognize that they are becoming less dependent or independent.

But wait are they?

Is this independence?

I will say yes,they are becoming independent.

There are communications that we have with our young children that are soft and sweet.

Bless you ( When They Sneeze)

Ooh, you made a tinkie ( When they filled their diaper)

And without warning “ We Stop”

Our children get accustomed to the love the way we love and as they grow we as parents lose our way.

We make a shift or change without realizing how or if it has a long term effects or consequences.

We are saying to our infants when they can’t even understand “Are You Okay “…

When anything happens or any sound that they make.

And change our speech towards our children to more of correction and direction.

No more, “Bless You”

No more, “Are You Okay “

No more, “Please” or “Thank you “

But it isn’t that we stop talking, we just stop talking to them ( Our Children)

We talk to the television and on our cell phones without end and they ( Our Children) has better interrupt us.

It also isn’t that they stop listening , in fact their listening is what this blog is all about.

Our children are learning and evolving by all the thing that enter their space.

Also idle time equals idle minds.

It is at these times that our children are an opportunity to view their files of direction.

These file will be filled with the everything that our children have seen and heard with no clear understanding of what it all means.

It will be in these idle moments that our children will develop into “who or what” we don’t know.

We are the gatekeepers and protectors of our children minds and if we fail “They Fail”

Lessons Learned:

Even when they go out or we send them with older siblings.

Much of the naughty or off behavior that we may see in our children is the result of older siblings as well as visiting friend and relatives homes.

There are a lot of “Adult and Mature “ episodes that take place within an ”Earshot” of our children.

There is no point in blaming others for something that we may be responsible for as well.

I’ve watched teenagers walking by my home with a younger siblings.

Yelling.

Cursing (Using Profanity)

Punching and grabbing them.

Facing the reality of what our children are or what they will become is tough enough for us as parents without the idea that we might be equally responsible for it.

The “Earshot “ rule worked and will Work if we work it.

We will however have to create inroads and bridges for the communication gaps that may sometimes appear.Arnoldmrdadtate

Check out the 10 Commandments Of Parenting by Arnoldmrdadtate.

It will put things into perspective.

Being a parent is a tough enough job without being a micromanager however we must give it our absolute best effort.

Final Thoughts:

My previous words may be considered “final thoughtish” but as a parent in this day when we have these smartphones and social media along with mainstream media and movies promoting and setting programs that have the power to lead or mislead the masses, our children may become entangled in its web.

We can’t get too busy with our ( Status,Reputation or Likes & Shares)

We must stay awake and aware greatness Awaits.

“Don’t Shoot,I’ll Stop Talking “

It may appear to be a nothing statement.

It may also appear to be ridiculous, however in a time when it seems like everyone is looking for answers to school shootings.

My Take:

Some have determined that the best answer is “Arming Teachers”.and it looks like this idea is gaining popularity.

For those that may not know it , there is a state of emergency in our nation.

There have been many school shootings and I will avoid adding all types of data and dates to expand this blog.

I will also avoid the gory details and carnage of the families, the broken as well as unending grief.

As a parent and grandparent I can only imagine the anger and sense of “Not Again” that some parents,siblings and peer are forced to revisit.

I watch with the rest of America as the story of the most recent story became Our Story”

I got angry, like everyone got angry and frustrated like everyone got frustrated because this is not good.

This is not the norm and this is not fair.

If you are familiar with my blogs you have had an opportunity to witness my varying point of view when come to life and family or even relationships.

Before I began writing I had no outlet or platform to share what I’ve often referred to as being an abstract thinker.

So, while our President, The F.B.I and the world are working feverishly to solve the problem of school shooting and keeping our children safe I wanted to offer an anecdote, a point of view ( my 2 cents)

There appears to be a lot of conversation about mental illness but also some discussion about being lonely and being a loner.

What is also interesting is that as the research is provided we see many of the young shooters have a history of being sad or anger and that causes them to be separated from family and in some cases make it impossible to have friends.

There story is told by their peers, some former friends and neighbors and even parents

Former teachers and law enforcement have offered history at times.

Who, What, When, Where, How and Why :

As an individual that is known to be a youth advocate as well as a family support person, I receive calls. Did you here? Have you heard?

“My point of view will not be what you think” would be my reply.

“I want to hear this” is what they will say.

Once I lay it out, there is dead silence.

No one will dare argue. At least in my presence.

They realize by my “Point of view “ connected to my passion that I believe in what I am saying.

IT IS NOT AN OPINION:

I want to understand what is going on and at the same time provide a clear idea of what we must do to see to it that it doesn’t happen again.

Every television and radio station schools and anywhere that there are people, will listen and come to conclusions about what must be done.

I’m thinking and it hit me.

How will I get a world of mourners and angry people to believe that the problem itself has provided our solution.

Teachers with guns?

This is an example of what some believe will solve the problem of school shootings and at the same time keep our children safe.

The teachers have a difficult job to begin with and along with teaching they are responsible for law and order.

Some of our teachers have to deal with conflict among their class.

Many teachers are dealing with difficult students that hurl insults at them as well as fellow classmates.

They need to get cooperation from their class and at the same time “Have a gun?”

This can never work and I am not willing to take the time to explain why, however I will say this.

There can be no chance or opportunity for the children to know who is the “Designated Teachers”

There can be no way to do a drill or practice a real life scenario.

There is a will always be a child that will want push the boundaries or with the help of fellow students attempt to try to disarm them (the teachers).

See What I Mean?

Oh, I have one more.

What happens the first time that a student claims that a teacher threatened to shoot them or as our title suggests “ Will You Shoot Me If I Refuse To Sit Still?”or stop talking.

Schools have changed so much in the last 40-50 years.

One thing that hasn’t is rule enforcement.

As I visit school I’ve notice one thing across the board, from school to school.

The teacher has changed and their role has changed.

Most schools have a zero tolerance policy.

What is this?

The definition of insubordination has broadened.

And as a rule most teachers have added (endless) responsibilities.

Parent.

Security.

Social worker.

Mind reader.

With the demands of “ No Child Left Behind “

They must in many schools also become “magicians”

Because many of the children have no idea of why they go to school or how to behave and the teachers in many cases have no power to hold them due to limited resources and services as well as parent pressure.

What To Do?

Schools in the 60’s and 70’s were a lot like schools today.

At least as far as the setting,

Building.

Classrooms

Cafeteria.

Gymnasiums.

The formula worked so why change it?

There is one difference however and it’s a big one.

The teachers are now exported.

Huh?

The teachers in many of our schools do not live in community where they teach.

This has made it difficult for many of our Black and Brown students because what they ((The Teachers) know is in some cases based on what is on television o in movies.

In the 60’s and 70’s there was lots community involvement and this was also based on the idea that our teachers were residents or our community.

Discipline was a very important part of our life education and somewhere between then and now discipline lost its meaning or at least began to become a “Bad” thing.

Discipline:

noun

training to act in accordance with rules; drill: military discipline.

activity, exercise, or a regimen that develops or improves a skill; training: A daily stint at the typewriter is excellent discipline for a writer.

punishment inflicted by way of correction and training.

the rigor or training effect of experience, adversity, etc.: the harsh discipline of poverty.

behavior in accord with rules of conduct; behavior and order maintained by training and control: good discipline in an army.

a set or system of rules and regulations.

dictionary.com

Hmm:

Training to act in accordance to the rules.

Activity, exercise or regimen that develops a skill.

Also in the early years of America’s short history discipline was handed out by the teacher.

It may be hard to imagine but the teachers had the command of their class and if something came up that had gotten out of hand there was always a teacher in the room next door that would intervene.

There are many things that I remember about my early years of school but, nothing was more than the idea that students had what had become known as “Home Training”

The students spoke to the adults with whole sentences.

Our teachers would say “Good Morning Class” and our response would always be “Good Morning Mr./Ms.———,

Communication was not a key, communication was the key and the parents led the charge.

Something has happened in the years that would follow and I must say I didn’t see it coming.

Parents were no longer willing or able to guide and prepare their child.

What Happened?

Today as I sit in my car and complete this blog on a sunny 60 degree day in Chicago I observe a young man outside my car saying (Chanting)

“Who gon’ ride fah me? Who gon’ die fah me?

Who gon’ let dem hollow tips fly fah me?

Huh?

There are many people that have come to the conclusion that “Rap, Trap Or Hip-Hop” music is the culprit.

I consider any word or group of word repeated over and over in many songs a “Mantra “ -Arnoldmrdadtate l-

Yes I said it, our children are casting spells on themselves.-Arnoldmrdadtate-

While I am willing to give all music credit for the demise of humankind, I must ask the question

“ When did music replace parents or become a substitute for friends and family communication”

-Arnoldmrdadtate-

This reminds me of a story from my youth called “The Pied Piper of Hamelin “

This is an interesting read and in many ways a cautionary tale.

There are also many adaptations of this story the oldest was about the extermination of rats.

The version that I am most familiar with has to do with a charismatic piper that seduced the local children to follow him and the children all died.

Scary Huh?

This story scared me and many of my friends when I was a boy, but as I think about it today our children are most vulnerable when they are let to themselves.

We don’t speak to them.

We don’t allow our neighbors to speak to them.

We don’t allow the police to speak to them.

We won’t allow their teachers to speak to them.

But they are allowed television,radio and social media without monitor or filter.

When did we begin to think it was okay to stop speaking to our children.

Children’s Television Programming was a gateway and allowed many parents a reprieve or a break in the 70’s.

Parents may have the entire Saturday morning to themselves (Cartoons)

The television has become a major programming system for adults so why not our children?

This subject I will deal with in depth in a future blog.

It is a heavy subject and it will offer support both parents and guardians alike.

I merely wanted to share this because I needed to offer a cause to the effect of our children’s behavior.

Also we needed to see how we all have contributed to the present world view of “Youthscape”

Youthscape is my own word.My definition of when young people are left to themselves and become trapped in a parallel idea of f the uselessness of Adult.

Arnoldmrdadtate

Now The Anecdote:

Solving the problems of school shooting and how to fix it has been and will be argued in years to come because it is viewed as a gun problem.

If that is our solution then why would we think that adding guns to this problem could ever be a legitimate solution.- Arnoldmrdadtate –

There are many people much smarter than I am that will speak more loudly and will get much more airtime and audiences than I ever will that will patch this dilemma. but they will not repair it.

You see,hidden within this blog is our answer.

It will take a lot of work as well as training and retraining.

It starts and home and if it doesn’t happen there then we have our schools.

Our children must learn that we are present.

Speak to them. Each day and when we speak we must look at and they must look at us.

We must listen to them and allow them to speak .

When they speak we must realize that when they want our opinion or input they will ask for it.

Sometimes they will tell us about people places and things but do not need directions or corrections.

We must touch them and hug them and use full sentences in our communication.

I love you.not,love you

This Is A Big One.

We must show them a better, more excellent way.

What Can Our Schools Do?

In the 60’s and 70’s our teachers spoke to children, all children they looked at them (The Child) and encouraged them to look at them (The Teachers)

The teachers have to identify the children that are having difficulty communicating (Bullies,the bullied,shy and distant) and because classrooms are a small community our teachers need support people to help with these needs before children give up on themselves.

When a student has a smile from an adult ( just like infants learn to smile from their parents)they will smile.

In the 60’s and 70’s the coaches and gym teachers would help with difficult student situations by inviting the students an opportunity to join or tryout for one of their teams.

And finally.

In the 69’s and 70’s many teachers visited the homes.

I realize that this is a difficult and often impossible task but, we must use all of our resources and even create new one to get the parents onboard in order to support our children as we attempt to redirect our students direction and goal setting.

Respond, Don’t React nor Report

We must utilize our Nurses and Psychologist and Social workers .

Les Brown on Twitter: “”If there is no enemy within, the enemy outside can do you no harm.”~African Proverb” wikipedia.com

Final Thoughts:

I believe like most people that children are not responsible for their existence.

They are the result and responsibility of not one but 2 parents and that their parents in many cases do not have the education or tools to do it by themselves.

I am an advocate of parenting classes.

And I realize that sometimes that isn’t enough.

My position is that once they ( The Children) are here we as (The Village) have the power to be the change.

We all needed help at some point in our lives.